The main part of why this is such a good idea is that it can be DIYed at home, unlike the ice cream version which just turns into sludge unless you have an actual cold rock (or a frozen chopping board).

I need to get some Violet Crumble and chocolate sauce!

Anyway, I am on holiday. I am having a nice holiday. (Perhaps especially because) this is the first time in a long time that I have been on a holiday with a job on both sides of it! I just finished up a term’s contract at a very lovely school with very lovely students who I was sad to leave. I am afraid that I have been a bit spoilt by it! Next week, I am starting at another school where I’ve got a contract for the rest of the year. If it is as nice as my last school, I will be a very happy girl! But either way, it’s a load off my mind to have work lined up.

Josh and I are off to Clare tomorrow for a minibreak. We are going to start off exploring historic mines and gaols, and will finish up sipping wine by an open fire, and it will be cosy and nice :)

I think I’ve been keeping up morale for a really long time, but all I can really think about is that all my money is disappearing, it’s really unlikely that I’ll ever own a house, it’s so long since I did anything I was good at that I’m not really sure if I’m good at anything or ever was, and everybody else is able to get a job so clearly the problem is me. If you’d told me ten years ago that I’d be in this position at 26, I wouldn’t have believed you.

I’m so ashamed that I got to be such a stuff up, and I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Edit: Oh, never mind. I got a job.

- shower
- buy some grout
- buy a hammer
- browse Kmart for some cheap clothes that don’t look cheap
- perhaps browse Kmart for a doormat
- buy a new goldfish
- mop the kitchen and bathroom
- clean up the big stack of papers on my shelf
- clean up generally
- do exercise
- go to my parents’ place to borrow a reasonably-sized suitcase*
- work out an appropriate art-and-degrees configuration and put some picture hooks in the walls in the study and lounge room*
- go to the doctor for a minor procedure this afternoon (that hopefully won’t leave my arm looking bruised for a fortnight?)
- apply for at least one, preferably two advertised jobs (probably SA Health medical administration ones)
- try to work out what Act I am actually employed under as a Relief Teacher so I know if I can apply for internal government positions or not?
- send some letters to various TAFEs telling them I want to be in their availability pool

*if time permits

Pretty much this is the same as my to-do list for yesterday, except all I achieved yesterday was:
- play Tropico 3
- read
- nap
- look at pictures of funny bags on the internet

Anyway. In honour of the completed move, here is a photo of me and Josh’s fridge.

Josh always has Chairman Kaga (scanned from a newspaper) on his fridge, but the printout was all old and ugly, so we got the original scan from his sister, and I photoshopped his face to make it not have newsprint on it, and then I printed it out and contacted it onto a magnet backing. It is now PREMIUM Chairman Kaga!

While bored, I also made magnetic poetry with some printable magnetic paper.

This is Josh’s favourite:

My exercise planner! TBH, I am getting a bit fed up with exercise, because I’ve been doing it daily, in fact religiously, and have eaten reasonably, yet have only gained weight :( But the planner helps get me moving despite this.

I have got 7 free 2010 calendars so far and I am keeping them all. The over-representation of the Liberal party by no means implies a political leaning in that direction, I just didn’t get any from any other parties :( The house a few numbers down from me sold for $3 million last month; I don’t think Labor actually bothers advertising in this suburb.

Finally, the anti-depression pony. It came in a water-colours set that Lisa gave me for my birthday, so I duly painted it one day after school last year. Quoth Josh, “This is going straight on the fridge!”. It’s held on by the “Depression: You’re not Alone” magnet because you read the magnet, then you look down and see the rainbow pony, and you know that this is true. There’s a pony.

It might be time to just stop saying I’m a teacher when I’m asked “What do you do?” and start admitting “I’m unemployed, I don’t do anything”.

I was skeptical that the flowers would ever happen, because those little plastic cards promise all kinds of wacky hijinks. So I told him, no, I am not waiting for my cactus, you must buy me real flowers! (N.B. he did good.)

Then on Sunday night, I came home a bit crankily after the beach to this:

!! Surprise!

So pretty!! Thank you, hot weather and Josh!

Tomorrow is a day of promise. Not only is my cactus pretty, but also I get to do the (relatively fun task of) doctors’-letters-typing at work, my internet is supposedly getting connected at last, it’s late night shopping so I get to go and buy some flowers to plant in my flowerpots, there are turkey burgers for dinner and Beauty and the Geek is on TV!

Also excited by this 30-second sample from Brand New’s new album up on Amazon.com. I don’t hate it, and it’s Brand New so I’ll probably grow to love it. New Brand New!

Here is a picture of some justice.

Mope mope mope.

My plan, one way or another, is to move out of my parents’ house in October, and they’ve been nagging me to make up a budget to see if I can afford it. Hi mum and dad, I only have employment until the end of September, of course I can’t afford it!!! I am going to just cross my fingers and hope I can get another job in term 4, and otherwise live off the “Centrelink and my savings” (i.e. “don’t spend any money”) budget, supplemented perhaps by tutoring but mainly by the overwhelming determination not to still live with my parents when I turn twenty-seven in 2010.

I am still pretty bitter. I did six years of university; I’m not asking for a million dollar salary, but surely a little financial stability isn’t too much to wish for :(

Also my sister seems to be making an effort to be nice to me (because my mum asked her to), and I do not actually know how to react :-/

I do not know if this kind of mood arises from the stress of preparing for teaching, or if I actually am just particularly unlikeable to everyone except my dog lately.

Mope.

My dog and I are getting along great, at least.

A. Today I went to work and then played the Sims
B. Today I hung out with Josh
C. Today I went to work and then hung out with Josh

I think that the picture this gives of my life would be fairly accurate.

But! News! Last week I got a teaching job for term three! Full time, teaching ESL at a high school. It’s exciting and also I am a bit terrified! So tomorrow is my last day of my old job, and then I have next week off for preparation. And then EEEEK.

I’ve been doing a bit of tutoring. If anyone’s looking for a tutor in Italian, Spanish, ESL, or general essay-writing et cetera let me know?

My head isn’t in a particularly great place at the moment. Problems I don’t know how to fix. Nothing okay to blog about.

For reals this is the LAST ONE before I impose an effort quota of no more than cover letter and resume.

Of all the jobs I have applied for, this one may suit me the best so far… but I need to get it done by tonight and I am starting to think I don’t have another app left in me :(

How am I meant to demonstrate a commitment to service excellence, and what does “environment of change” EVEN MEAN??

Everyone at my current job is so nice to me, and it’s such calming and easy work, and all I do is sit there and mope because I want a job that isn’t one I inherited from my sister because she had to go back to uni :(

I’m not being unreasonable. I’m applying for prestige-free positions which don’t require any qualifications and which I have plenty of experience for. These are all the type of positions I was upset to start applying for a couple of months ago because they were too menial. I don’t think I’ve properly stopped crying since nine this morning.

I don’t know what to do.

I am working as typist/mail girl at my mum’s clinic three days this week and all of next. They’re only 5hr days and it’s not a real job, but it is better than hanging around.

My mum was saying things like “yeah it’s not exactly putting your brains to use” and I pointed out that jobs of that level are the kind I am currently applying for and failing to get, it’s not as though I’m going to do better if I ever to do get a real job, and she said something along the lines of “negative thought patterns blah blah!!” but… no?

I was talking about this yesterday with Tim. My mum honestly believes that I have wonderful qualifications that will eventually get me an awesome job, quite fairly because in her generation that would have been true. So it’s what I was always told, my whole life: “You’re smart! You have to go to uni so you can get a good job and be successful!” But it’s not the case now; you can be bright and qualified without it meaning much at all to an employer. And it’s difficult to see various people I know who never got a degree (or did a short degree, even) in satisfying careers and financially so much better off than I am, with my $21g HECS debt and the missed income of six years when I could have been earning a full-time wage, and coming out of it with prospects that are only minimally better than those I had going in (if indeed better at all, given the employment experience and opportunities for promotion those years would have provided). Missing out on success by choosing education was never presented to me as a possibility when I was a teenager. And to be honest, I feel betrayed by that. I feel like I was promised things that weren’t true, and I feel like I have fucked myself over by taking that on and not thinking about it harder and making a better plan when I could have.

Lessons learned after several hours poring over it:
- I used to be a lot more interesting!
- I used to have much more sass?
- I miss travel a lot :(

Still need a job. There were no ASO2s to apply for this week. Possibly going to apply for local gov job where the job is to scan things, and write down what was scanned. Or, possibly going to try to dream bigger.

In the meantime, pretty sure I’m getting sick. My lungs have packed up.

What else… someone let me know that FreeRice.com now lets you practise foreign language vocabulary (matching words with English synonyms) as well as your English vocabulary. It turns out that there’s a subjects page where not only can you pick a foreign language, but you can also choose to practice English grammar, chemistry, geography, maths and art history. I would recommend this site to anyone!

This morning I dropped Josh off at work as part of the new Claire’s Unemployed Chauffeur Service. Now I am at home eating frozen peas and writing job applications :(

Edit: And this!

Today I did a lot of things that would have made for a good day off. Slept in. Washed, cleaned, baked. Played Escape from Monkey Island. But all tarnished by the fact that there is nothing to be off from.

I’m actually fine, financially? Provided I get a job in the next year or whatever. My savings are far better than they’ve ever been, and I am used to living on nothing. Moving out of my parents’ house (which, beyond getting a job, is my primary life goal atm) is obviously put off indefinitely and I won’t be buying much that is new or cool, but my lifestyle is cheap and will be okay. The morale is the problem. Even when I have been out of uni and not working (or not working a proper job), I have never been completely at sea before. I’ve always had something in the works.

Need to apply for a few ASO2s by Friday but to be honest I’m finding it hard to summon the energy.

I also tried to look into migrant homework clubs etc that I can volunteer for, but they all take place during business hours and want you to commit on more than an “until I get a job” basis :(

I’m wondering if I shouldn’t just try to go into teaching now no matter how much I don’t want the lifestyle. It may be the only way to make myself be okay with how I spent the last six years?

Whinge mope mope.