Hum. So my intention is to move out of home fairly early next year, depending on my employment status/location. It turns out I have three separate human entities expressing interest in moving out with me! Yay options, but… I am going to HURT AT LEAST TWO FEELINGS! :(

This weekend I was not at home from 8am Friday until 11:15pm Sunday. I am tired and my homework is Not Done At All.

Also I am all weird and sick. So I was way stroppy at work today. My bosses were trying to give me work all afternoon and I was like NO!! Too busy!! Leave me alone!! and… they did? Then it got to 4:30pm and I was like… oh. I am quite comfortably almost done? And I was out by 5:01! I need to be a bitch more often! Or be nicer, and not get fired.

I wish my current job had come along earlier in my academic career. Run-of-the-mill whinging about assignments aside, I really like my lifestyle at the moment. The only thing is that I am starting to feel a bit mature-age student (but this could be cured by my going into a PhD, cough). I feel a lot more balanced in terms of what I am achieving that I used to. I could independently sustain myself (in a poverty-line kind of way) on my current income plus student allowances; I’d be looking at moving out from my parents’ at last right now, if I had some idea of where I’d be working next year (and therefore roughly where to go). It’s also nice having a job that isn’t What I’m Doing With My Life; my job does not suck (it is comfortable enough, and I feel very valued) but there is such a psychological difference between an end-all job and a job that is supporting another career goal. It is more hopeful.

I struggled with the lack of momentum last time I finished uni. One of the main reasons teaching appealed to me, apart from a desire to save the world with textbooks, is that it does have that sense of going somewhere; you are watching/helping people grow. However, teaching really scares me as a profession :/ First year out is meant to be horrible; I think one in two new teachers doesn’t make it past their second year before they change careers? That is lots!!! I am troubled by: the long hours, the high professional standards, the myriad airborne illnesses, the prospect of never choosing when I take my annual leave, being left too exhausted to do anything but work… I have this feeling I should look into jobs that are related to teaching, but are not teaching? Something that the MA would help me out with? Full-time tutoring, student support, curriculum design, something at the headquarters… etc? Um if anyone knows anything about this please share.

IDK. I like change. I like most of the changiness in my life at the moment. But this one makes me freak out and want my rut back :/

Today I finished and handed up four assignments, and negotiated to do 6 hours of my prac project for ESL during swot vac so I don’t have to take any more days off work (the 6 hours for Spanish I am doing on Monday, meh). This was my mood:

BETTER.

I am getting eye surgery tomorrow morning. I’m excited! Last time they gave me free sunnies, I hope they give me free sunnies? Then these are the things I’m not allowed to do:

- driving for 1 day
- using makeup or shampoo for 3 days
- sleeping unless I have eyepatch on for 3 days
- swimming or contact sports for 1 week
- touching my eye for 1 week

The lack of shampoo is what really takes its toll. Ew.

I woke up feeling not too cranky this morning. And then this is what happened to my mood over the next 13 hours:

Wah.

Of the four assignments due tomorrow, I’ve done threeish. These assignments are stress’s foot in the door, and then everything else that sucks can waltz right in :-/ Can’t get sick, need to have surgery on Thursday!! Possibly going crazy.

Worrrrrst freaking mood today omg.

Woke up cranky. Went to work cranky. Ate too many biscuits to try to get less cranky. Sent cranky emails. Crankily broke my $10 sunglasses. Came home cranky. Had a cranky chat with Tim.

Now will crankily write a major assignment in one night :( And then another one tomorrow night.

LAME.

Edit: Cheering self up by window-shopping for new sunnies instead of doing homework. I would like these. They cost $940 more than my previous sunnies?

- Car alarms
- The 30 seconds of silent tension between when the car alarm stops and when it STARTS AGAIN all day aaaaaaaarg
- Car alarms that keep going off when you are doing assignments
- ASSIGNMENTS

MY HEAD HURTS.

Daaaamn.

Anyway, today Josh came over and literally sat next to me going “100 more reps words, okay now 100 more, look you’re nearly done!” until I finished an entire assignment! And then he made me start the next one. So now, I only have 4.5 more to finish in the next week!

Well “only”. But still it was good.

Hm so last week I had tonsillitis. I took antibiotics, it went away in time for the long weekend.

The long weekend was Good and I was not Sick.

Then I started feeling bleh again when I got home last night.

…MY TONSILLITIS IS BACK.

WHAT THE HELL, THROAT.

Third time being sick in six weeks :(

I think these are some fairly clear orders from my immune system to stop messing it around!

Which is fair enough, because I have been stressing out a lot and sleeping little.

But dear immune system: I will stop messing you around when all my ten (10) assignments are done… making me sick doesn’t get them done faster, stupid!!

I have been in a totally baseless funk for the last couple of weeks. I don’t know why! My eye is bodgy but in general life is good? I’m pretty busy, but being busy is a nice change from feeling like a big slug. So HMMM.

I think I am worried about prac teaching. And about, like, actual teaching. I had the epiphany today that hey… I don’t have to apply for Spanish teaching jobs! I think I forgot since I started this Dip Ed that I went into it to improve my opportunities for working in ESL. When I ditched Law and went into Linguistics it was to be an ESL teacher. I’ve been sucked into the whole culture of “you will teach what they give you to teach”. But… no! I want to be an English teacher with migrants! That’s my deal!! I actually tried to talk my way out of getting enrolled in Spanish at the beginning of the year because I, really, am no Spanish teacher. So on reflection, no wonder my prac was stressful!! And since February this image has been growing in my head of me living in a country town 10 hours from Adelaide, teaching Spanish and SOSE and… tech studies or something, and I’ve been getting all ohhh I don’t know if I want to do this teaching thing after all. But, no. I just want to work in the metro area, and teach ESL. I think I should stop seeing these as unrealistic goals and get a grip!

I will be stressed out until I get my placement for this prac. Which will be in ESL, thank goodness. Hopefully getting my placement will make me less stressed, depending where it is.

Regarding my eye, I need to get lasik again :( Damnit.

In my inbox when I got home from work (paraphrased or it’s creepy):

Dear Claire,

An appropriate country teaching practicum placement was not available for you. Therefore, you will do your placement in the metropolitan area. Details to follow.

Love from uni.

…

UNI I LOVE YOU TOO.