Having a bit of a nobody-loves-me kind of week :(

Mope mope mope.

My plan, one way or another, is to move out of my parents’ house in October, and they’ve been nagging me to make up a budget to see if I can afford it. Hi mum and dad, I only have employment until the end of September, of course I can’t afford it!!! I am going to just cross my fingers and hope I can get another job in term 4, and otherwise live off the “Centrelink and my savings” (i.e. “don’t spend any money”) budget, supplemented perhaps by tutoring but mainly by the overwhelming determination not to still live with my parents when I turn twenty-seven in 2010.

I am still pretty bitter. I did six years of university; I’m not asking for a million dollar salary, but surely a little financial stability isn’t too much to wish for :(

Also my sister seems to be making an effort to be nice to me (because my mum asked her to), and I do not actually know how to react :-/

I do not know if this kind of mood arises from the stress of preparing for teaching, or if I actually am just particularly unlikeable to everyone except my dog lately.

Mope.

My dog and I are getting along great, at least.

I don’t have to go to work for 13 days \o/ Yay Christmas.

I have only needed presents for eight people this year: immediate family, boyfriend, work KK, Chow’s Mystery Christmas Gift Exchange person, and two people who have told me they got me something (um, if you have something for me and I don’t know about it… please drop a hint!). This does not seem like very many? Possibly because last year I was responsible for all the Cousin Gifts and this year they somehow got taken care of before I noticed? Anyway Christmas shopping was easy, everyone told me more or less exactly what they wanted. And in some instances came with me to get it, and then carried it for me because it was heavy.

In return… well in the case of my sister’s present to me, I actually went and bought it myself and then gave it to her. It is a new mouse! Unlike my current mouse, it will scroll down. I never knew how much I would miss scrolling down until I couldn’t do it for a fortnight!!

Anyway, yes it eliminates the element of surprise. But gosh it makes life run smoothly.

P.S. Turtle!

My atheist grandmother: I wonder if it’s still a church?
Mum: Yeah, it’s still a church.
Granny: Still have churches, do they?

Hahahaha.

What’s stupid is how, no matter how long I am an “ideal weight” (although a less-than-ideal fitness, but I have made peace with that), no matter how long I maintain that weight without any conscious effort any more, my mood is still linked so directly to what numbers come up on the scales. I have been eating a bit poorly lately and not had time for any specific exercise (although my incidental exercise is decent c/o working a long way from the bus stop). So my concern hit critical mass tonight and I got on the scales right after dinner with all my clothes on and… I was 3kg more than I am used to weighing! So suddenly, oh god, I am going to flunk out of uni, all my friends hate me, I am going to stack on 30kg before the end of the year… PANIC! :-/

So an hour later I had a shower, and tried the scales again upon exit… and was already 1.5kg less :-/ Add to that 12 hours of digestion, and tomorrow morning I might weigh about 500g more than I usually do :-/ So suddenly EVERYTHING IS OKAY AGAIN.

I don’t even know.

Mum: Have you lost weight? You’re looking a bit… swan-like.
Claire: Nuh, I’ve weighed the same for like a year.
Mum: Well, fair enough. You don’t need to lose anything.
Claire: Hum. My BMI is totally borderline though, it’s like 24.5.
Mum: Yeah, I don’t hold with the BMI at all (n.b. my mum is a GP). That’s crazy.
Claire: I’m allowed to weigh 48kg before I am underweight!
Mum: Well isn’t that ridiculous! Look at you! What is there to lose?!